This was the spot which made me choose this hill for shooting final scenes. Actually, it was Amaal who had spotted it at first and then I just went along. To put a stamp of approval. A professional hiker himself, he had spent weeks clambering this valley in search of a perfect location. Only Amaal and I could resonate with what moved around in the air here. Over the years, much had changed in these mountains. The best part about doing a film in a remote location is the tempting challenge to work with the unknown, to work beyond comfort, to know a newer set of lives and ultimately, to come back a better person. But the worst part is – much before you reach, they have already learnt well about you. By the time the walls of those raised identities crumble, in the face of the actually seen, it is time to go back.
In making of the film the director is the common thread. She is the soul who binds the inner beings of all the professionals dealing with the different parts of this elephant. And Amaal was the mahout for this ever-staggering fan-eared being. Mahout had to come back. Midways.
‘But you never asked?’ I was waiting for him to ask . I knew he had come back only for that. In all these years, I knew him more than his insides.
‘Himmat hi nahi huyi….’ He kept fiddling with a pair of twigs trying not to look at me.
‘Because I didn’t cry?’ I grabbed the twig from his fingers. My fingers had already torn it apart.
‘Yes….and No.’
‘O Madam Tughlaq! Difficult lines are still okay but why such impossible costumes?’
‘Impossible? Taasha, I can even sleep in them.’
‘But I look a joker in these.’ Taasha contorted her face and pulled out her tongue to tease me. If she could lay hands on, she would have thrown all my desi kurtas and loungewear in to this valley itself for them to never come back. On top of her deep dislike for the costume designed by me , the color also was not her favourite. Neither her type of color, nor the fit. Perfect recipe to throw a fit. In front of the portable mirror, she seemed to be struggling with her yoga wear.
‘Your worry is about the costume or the cliff?’ I volleyed one back at her. Taasha had a mild vertigo issue and the whole sequence from now on was centered around the cliff. Today she was required to sit still and meditate right at the edge. I had the best of safety experts on roll but nerves being nerves, they can play out, anytime.
‘Both.’ She shouted heartily.
‘Don’t, my tigress. A girl who is dying to fly, cannot dread it. Close your eyes and get in to the character.’
‘I am scared’. Her eyes pleaded instead. I wish I could hold her hands through all of this. But I was not the actor. This was her job.
‘No. You are talented. So, get in to the skin and you won’t feel a bit. I will come and help you.’
‘Madam, let me do her costume first then you can do the prep talk.’ Sharayu, our costume designer, asserted in a hassled voice. Her no-nonsense gaze froze my feet. Taasha grunted in irritation and I quickly sat down pulling another twig from Amaal’s hands.
‘Don’t worry,’ Amaal struggled muffling his laugh. ‘She will be fine the moment that hunk arrives. And specially, since the brushing of cheeks has been advanced to her expectations’.
‘Good Idea! I should call Nawaz’.
‘Arre, hamare hero saheb kahaan reh gaye zara pata karo.’ I shouted to the team.
A rage of blush shot across Taasha.
‘What a girl?’ Amaal laughed a mock at me.
‘Yes, what a girl!’ I wrinkled my nose.
‘But I am happy that now you have her.’ He held my hand again. I missed his sweat which would stick to my palm and become mine.
***
‘Hello? Hello Taasha?’
‘Hi Tughlaq, what’s up?’ She had replied in her usual manner but sensing something paused after a moment.
‘Hey what happened? All good? Your voice seems so shaken.’
‘Taashu, I died’.
‘Whaaaat?’ Amaal jumped. Yeah, that is exactly how even she had reacted. I do not know or remember why did I say that at the moment. But I did stumble upon that pit in my heart which made me do it. A pit of whose existence I never had a whiff of, before. A deep pit. Deep – deep down where even I did not exist. Yes, down there, there was no me. Only us.
‘People say, I did not cry but why would I? When I was sitting pretty in wait. Why did you take so long?’
His eyes did not blink. As if he had known all before.
‘And then?’ Unaffected, Amaal continued with the earlier conversation.
‘Nothing much.’
‘You have lost it Tughlaq. With that, Taasha had put the phone down and got back to her game’.
‘I am sure if you had taken my name, she would have rushed to jump on my body in elation.’ Said Amaal making a sullen face.
‘May be!’ I chimed in with an uncertain smile.
Taasha was ready now. Only her hair needed to be touched a bit. Amidst the dabs of the concealer her eyes stole every other second to look at me or us. Five more minutes. The hair artist announced with stretched palm and fingers.
‘But I am here now.’ Amaal exclaimed with his eyes locking in to Taasha’s.
‘But you will be leaving soon.’ I looked sideways, sitting with my hands stretched on my sides and legs swaying freely on the ground.
‘What if I asked you to come along?’ Suddenly Amaal became serious.
‘Howww?’ I asked in equal bewilderment.
‘Koi jugaad toh nikaal hi lenge.’ He patted my head with his. I could hear Taasha’s eyebrows flinch. She raised her hand and stopped the artist working on her and dashed towards us. I got up in panic but Amaal did not move.
‘Tughlaq, I am not getting a good feeling. Something is wrong about you. Or something is about to happen to you, to us.’ She looked around, left and right of me, behind me with a mask of bewilderment.
‘You just stay close to me. Right next to me. With me. Always’! Taasha seemed really hassled.
‘What happened Taasha? Nothing is wrong.’ I knew what she was looking for.
‘No, no. There is. And stop thinking about that bugger. He never was good for anything.’ She howled with a spite, grabbed my elbow and dragged me along back to where she was. ‘You should never have believed him’.
Amaal was strangely and offensively amused. A moment later, he was laughing his heart out, his pain, his loneliness, his love, his jealousy, his possessiveness, his rage or whatever existed inside him which only both of them knew. I thought all had ended but Taasha was right, I should never have believed him.
***
‘Hi hunk! What took you so long?’ Taasha shouted as Nawaz came from behind the huge boulder in a white ganji and cargo pants. ‘Why do all body builders wear ganjis? And then they cry a hell, when a girl wears even an inch shorter skirt’.
She flicked his hair to the side with a caress. He immediately flipped it back and they laughed, their eyes shining in the sun and beaming in to each other amidst this game. I slid my elbow slowly out of her hand as they began raving about the drink they shared a night before.
I quickly typed the name of that drink in my phone. I would look a fool, an old fool, not even knowing the pronunciation!
But, Taasha was with me throughout yesterday night?
My fingers froze. There itself.